just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
