I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
