My brain says no but my pants say off.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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