True but thats because hes a fetus.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
