Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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