so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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