She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
