Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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