So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How's work?
Spinning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
