I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
