I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
