I'm going to jail i love you
someone threw a dead crab at me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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