Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
