I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
