I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
