i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
