Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
