Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize