After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
