Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
