I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
