I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
