She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
