New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
