Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
