Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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