i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize