Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
