i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
