im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
