'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
