I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
