just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
