Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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