Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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