So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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