Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
