weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
