Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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