btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
