haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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