New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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