I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
