Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
