Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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