We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
