i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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