Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
