Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
two words: eviction party
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
