i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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