Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
