It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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