i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
