It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
