I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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