Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
