Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
