If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
