Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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