That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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