And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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