I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
