found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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