it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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