Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
