Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
