Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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