"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
