Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
