Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
