Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
