Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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