its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
