she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
