he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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