I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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