Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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