theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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