I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish you could order shots online.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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