Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
barbara walters just said penis...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
