I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
