Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
