You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
