My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize