Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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