Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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