Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
