If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
