You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
