don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
