Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
