I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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