my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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